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Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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Band is over for me, sad but liberating. It ended with a half ass attempt to play high C on my make up test. Yet, it's over and it feels good to be rid of it. Yes i'll miss the people, the music, and general experience, but i've put so much into band, i need a year of just my life without it to really set my priorities. college band will be great, and who knows maybe L's right, maybe i'll never succeed as a band director, but thats still my goal, and him nor is anyone else going to take me off that track, just going to go about it a different way. I love band, and everything it's done for me and i'll be watching from the sidelines.
Anyways, my life went to hell and back today, that seem the to the general way things go around my house now. I don't know how to explain the situation at my house, basically everytime i am forced to come into this house it's like making me come to hell, i mean to be legally bound to a place where you don't consider home, THATS A BITCH!
Junior year almost over, it was what it was, nothing more or less, maybe with more support going through my senior year things wouldn't take the usual turn.
right now i'm emotionally and physically tired so i'm going to sleep and hope the bus actually come on time tomorrow.
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| Subject: | Randomness |
| Time: | 5:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | lean wit it rock wit it and postcard at the same time. |
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Drum major try-outs are friday, YAY!!! It's relieving knowing you're not going to get it, so i'm honestly not pressured as all, i'm just going to enjoy conducting Wind ensemble as i have done the past 2 times, just without the false hope behind my actions... Nonetheless friday will be fun i think Wes, JC and Hannah are going to get it, but i really have no clue...
Life is going pretty good, totally ignored LJ for a long ass time... but now i'm back...ish
Okay... WTF is L's problem, if the flutes make a mistake why the fuck would you rub it in their faces over and over and over again ... he's so hypocritical, like he's never made a mistake... yeah i'd say about the most un-classy thing any teacher has ever done was Mr L today with his restarting Postcard like 20 fucking times, i wasn't even responsible for the mistakes but it pissed me off till no end!
I'll prob do a longer entry later, now to get ready for orch. and harass Pedro and his brother on trampoline...
woah how do you spell that
tramp - o - lean
great now i have a sudden urge to sing lean wit it, rock wit it
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wow, in one month i've been totally and completely changed by one person... it's pretty amazing i'm not going to lie. After watching couple after couple get together and break up either in band or just in my classes i always thought "well why the hell would you invest your time into something you're just going to throw away?" And i understand that sometimes there is just somethings you can't work around and you don't find that out untill you try but i've asked people in relationships what they want and i'd say about 80% say something like "I don't know just someone to go out with" or "just another person to hang out with" and so i had the mentality that i wasn't going to even try because whats the point? Why go through all that for the hell of it...
Pedro and I look like a weird couple, and we are... but i guess it's the whole opposites attract thing because in a matter of a month we've gotten further emotionally than some high school couples have gotten in a year
I know what some people are saying and thats the reason for posting this because quite frankly no matter what i say i can't express my feelings in words... at least not enough to make others understand so yeah... this is mainly to clear my head not to really make other change their thoughts...
In other news yay midwest, i prob wouldn't go because i don't have to money so i'm prob not going to do band either... i've lost all enjoyment in band anyways... Mr L has seriously made me despise band, and music. I can't play Pines of Rome, and i'm never going to be able to... he insults me as a person daily and then i'll go and make really dumb mistakes because he makes me so god damn nervious... plus with the "new auditions" that are going to take place i'm prob not going to make it in anyways because i suck at sight reading and he knows that... it's scary because i've been in band 6 years and it's all i know, but i hate everything about it, and even IF L was going to leave at the end of this year HE DEF ISN'T NOW... so theres no hope in sight. Mid west would be nice, but it's not something i'm really good enough to do and the time commitment is too much so i guess i'm one of those cowards Mr. L was talking about.
well thats all for now, i'm at work and these computers suck so i don't really want to loose an amazingly long entry
i'll update later... maybe
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| Subject: | IOA |
| Time: | 2:47 pm. |
| Mood: | calm. | | Music: | then we danced. |
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IOA was a blast
~ DDR
~ roller coasters
~ Jersey people... i sware their entire state was there
~ short lines for everything
~ intresting conversations
~ reciting dane cook
and that was just IOA then the four of us decided to go to universal... and thats where everything came out!!
we went over there at 6 and this guy heard me bitching and saying we'd only be able to do one ride and he just so happen to work for universal so we managed to get on like 5 things in and hour because we did the VIP thing, i must say it was amazing
the night continued at subway where we had a conversation that was really eye opening for me, basically i think i met the male version of myself at 20...
all in all the night ended very well and i'd like to thank Pedro , Leah and Rodney for an amazing time!
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A lot has happened this spring break, and it's not even half over...
i think i'm going to look for a prom dress today, who knows i might find something i like...
i've been practicing a lot more than i was going to over spring break, thats good i supose but at the same time sad
as for where i am at the end the the day, i'm not sure, but i can keep going like this and be very happy...
i love how this will really only make sence to about one or 2 people, but isn't that the point of livejournal to make people wonder "WtF" ... well that it does
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Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
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You ever feel like you just want to give up... like nothing could possibly warrant you trying any further? That is the point I’ve come to now in life. And make no mistake this isn't me trying to be a mellow dramatic teenager saying my life is difficult and I’m going to slit my wrist because quite frankly that has been played out. Everyone has their problems and when something big happens either negative or positive it affects you. It changes you making each individual a result of various circumstances and occurrences. So why am I the way I am?
Well I suppose I’m outgoing because I feel it’s the only way I could ever get friends
I’m funny because my life lacks humor so I need to create some
I’m always the last person to stop laughing because I don’t want the joke to end.
I try to include everyone because for the majority of my life I was the person that was left out
I’ll go out of my way to help others because I might someday need their help
I always bring myself down because to admit I’ve done something right opens me up to criticism, if I say I sucked at something the only direction you can go from there is up.
But then there are things that I’d give anything to figure out why I do such as…
Why do I hold grudges for a long time?
Why and I hyper?
Why do I say weird things that no one could possibly be interested in and make me look stupid?
Why am I so apathetic toward school?
I don’t know… I’ve thought about it and I just don’t know, I need to talk to someone, not a peer or a teacher or a psychologist… I’m not sure who that leaves but whatever.
So now I’m off to try to figure out what to do with myself comment or not comment doesn’t really matter I just wanted to rant and rave somewhere…
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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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shellybear44: i don't like it
shellybear44: not one little bit
shellybear44: i do not like canzona on pic!
shellybear44: HAHAHAHAHAHA
shellybear44: that was amazin
MonsiurStealth: good job, shakeshphere
MonsiurStealth: I have to say, that was gay, you're poetry slays, like pigs in hay...YAY!
MonsiurStealth: signed Pedro silva
shellybear44: THAT was one hot poem, almost make me need a comb, a comb for what you might say, why to gag myself and puke horay!!!
shellybear44: signed Michelle Porder
shellybear44: hahaha
shellybear44: or porter
MonsiurStealth: hahahah, comb and poem is an awkard rhyme, plus it don't make since, finally, I'm gonna call you Porder till the day you die lol
shellybear44: lol... made more sence than slayin pigs in hay
shellybear44: DUMB ASS
shellybear44: I DON'T WANT HAY IN MY PORK
MonsiurStealth: Stupid lass
MonsiurStealth: You're as tall as a stork
MonsiurStealth: you dork
MonsiurStealth: you toungue's like a fork
MonsiurStealth: it hurts like a cork
MonsiurStealth: okay, I'm out
shellybear44: lol
MonsiurStealth: let's move away from the poetry, we should stick to music
MonsiurStealth: keep our day job lol
shellybear44: hahaha reality check... we suck at that
MonsiurStealth: no as much as poetry, you have to admit, at poetry, we suck dick
shellybear44: lol we had some goot rhymes
shellybear44: almost sounded like welcome chimes
shellybear44: but then again some were as sour as limes
shellybear44: damn i wanna see a mime
MonsiurStealth: fine
MonsiurStealth: go see a mime
MonsiurStealth: pay him a dime
MonsiurStealth: for his time
shellybear44: and a little of his LIME
MonsiurStealth: wouldn't that be sublime
MonsiurStealth: well, not for me
MonsiurStealth: since I don't swing so free
MonsiurStealth: but it could be
MonsiurStealth: for goldman's tiny peeny
shellybear44: hahaha
shellybear44: and you've seeny enough peeny
shellybear44: haven't you, you little weeny
MonsiurStealth: okay, I'm tired of thinking to much
MonsiurStealth: hahahah, you win
shellybear44: hahaha but it's the cause!
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Saturday, February 18th, 2006
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I love talking to people you haven't talked with in a long time, even if it's like with a group of people and like 3 sentences... it's still nice to laugh with them again. I had a great time at Rodney's B-day party (aka 7-10 people getting together going to the movies and laughing)HAPPY B-DAY RODNEY!
ok... date movie brings a whole new meaning to a cat lady EWWWWWW
wow... i haven't goten a call in like 30 mins
thats all for now
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Friday, February 10th, 2006
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Okay so today was a good day i supose... i got an ipod online for like 150 bucks!!
i can't even think of 200 songs to put on my Ipod!?!?!?! wtf is wrong with me
reashearch papers suck... especially ones you haven't read the book for !!
Almond Pistachio milkshakes are really weird looking, but really good!!!
all for now... must finish online work
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Saturday, January 28th, 2006
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okay, so i don't like green apples but yet i've been craving a green apple since i had one for breakfast in tennessee... so today like 30 mins ago i bought 1 green apple, got home cut it in nice little pieces and started eating it. The first few bites were amazing, i was like YES GREEN APPLE! though as i continued to eat it i realized it was a bit bitter... but the more i ate the more i was repulsed by it. i don't think i really ever liked green apples, i think they draw you in with their green coolness, but underneath that shell, they're just very nasty and distasteful.
wow, only on my LJ will you read an entire paragraph about me hating green apples...
door to door was fun i supose... i made the best of it anyways, AND GOT PEACOCK FEATHERS!!! if anyone asks i'm telling them we killed it with the car... but in all factuality it was in front of the house we were going to, we all 4 went to the one house, i chased the bird around, and the lady gave us money and feathers to leave him alone...
all for now... i might upload pics of random crap tomorrow :D
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Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
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i'm going to fail my test tomorrow... i don't really care, because well quite frankly i couldn't play it like even if i practiced on it for about 3 more hours...
now on to the other music i need to prepare...
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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
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- Four-fifths of the surface of Michelle is covered in water.
- According to the story, Pinocchio was made of Michelle.
- The air around Michelle is superheated to about five times the temperature of the sun.
- More than one million stray dogs and half a million stray cats live in Michelle.
- Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are Michelle!
- US gold coins used to say 'In Michelle we trust'.
- Michelle is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons!
- There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Michelle, though it may feel uncomfortable!
- Michelle can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast!
- It is impossible to fold Michelle more than seven times!
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Sunday, January 8th, 2006
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Well this new year hasn't been at all what i would have expected it to be... but all in all i can't say things haven't taken a turn for the better.
I'm sticking strong to my new year's resolutions (with the exception of the acual new years night)
Went to see a movie tonight, it was veyr funny can't remember the title, something dick and jane... whatever it was it was amazing...
then Me, Leah and Steph. went into Jonny rockets, and i broke the booth... and got stuck and i was laughing histerically, and all the sudden Leah says really loud "THERES MICHAEL LISS" and it was soo funny cause here i was stuck in the fucking booth and people are stareing at me and now there are witnesses...oh well
hahaha... then i harassed some random people, licked a tree...and a book... but in all fairness the book did have a picture of sprinkles on it.... and basically got kicked out of the tempurpedic store for looking too young to be able to buy a 1400 dollar bed...
what happens a Pier-one stays there...
"hahaha... now you need a key to get into the dressing room, it's prob. cause i broke the door"
Had an intresting conversation with Dell, in which i got free stuff out of because i convenced them it was their fault my computer was messed up... well it partly was, but whatever
Okay... heres a question for everyone
Would you buy a pound of coffee for 50 bucks
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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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| Subject: | Memphis |
| Time: | 4:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  disappointed. | | Music: | so long and thanks for all the fish - in memory. |
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Well overall i had a good time on the trip. My group was really fun and amazing thats for sure! I'd have to say i had the most fun new years eve... because dancing with random people is FUN!
I can't believe it's over, it went by so fast... i sorta want to go back and do it all over again, But not the same way...
It sorta sucked being sick, but i can't say that it held me back from donig anything so yeah...
Of course there was drama... but i was expecting most of it... some of it was going to happen eventually but i din't think it would come up on the trip.
Being first was AmAzInG!! I don't know what our overall score was, but i think it was over 90 which was our goal, SO YEAHHH!!
i really don't have all that much more to say, basically it was fun i'm glad i went, but i'm glad it's over!
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shellybear44's journal
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